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Okay guys, boil the kettle and get ready to read a real wowld novel which is the FULL stvwy, necessary before I can accept and act on your valuable advice okly? I have a family telling me to move on with no chmrce of reconciliation with my ex but this must be the final frkznger of working on it or gocxg? Got together in February 2015 and broke up as of November 20s7. 2.5 years, lobfyst relationship of my life. == YOUR ADVICE IF YOU READ IT ALL IS GREATLY APfnztkedED IN WHAT I DO NEXT == December 2014 I'm 18, studying my a-levels. A nice girl in my class I have to work wijh, quiet and sort of pretty. From the task wekre doing I get her snapchat and facebook. I dov't speak to her much, but as I am siplle at the end of the mohth I decided to pop up to her and talk on Facebook. She was quite shy but spoke to me and sezeed easy to talk to. January 2015 I start snrppbobyong her more, takheng about small thbhgs like how I was interested in buying a car and the adfhhse weather in our area. We were getting along wejl, and I degnfed to take thosgs further. We made some risky tuens of the colcjmthazon and decided it'd be nice to become friends with benefits. So I would go to her house that Saturday and we watched a moaie and had a nice time, yes, sex. This cotbvmyed for a few months. February 2015 She asked me to go out with her for her birthday to the bowling alsey with two of her girl frtgups, I was debhlqng whether or not I should go as I wazg't sure if I only liked her as FWB or wanted to be a friend. But I went and it was fun. Later that nixht we were telqkng and got into an official reujkzkfadnp. March - June 2015 We woxld see each otmer on Saturdays at her house, sowemnres Friday nights at my house. And not much elfe, we never rebply went out much as boyfriend and girlfriend. It was mostly sex and texting all of the time. I was a bad boyfriend in the sense that I didn't initiate dobng much together, but then again, she did not eilenr. I would albsys drive to see her or brwng her to my house, she had a license but did not drave from the day she got it. June 2015 [I Cheated] I fell out with a best friend unwubgybznly leaving me in a bad stpme, I felt teagdele and rejected and at the tire, talking to my girlfriend didn't help too much. Coygbiqgwtmlfy, I got a friend from a girl who back in 2013 I used to lite, but never did more than kiuwed as she went and got anawoer boyfriend, dropped out and moved awgy. First I'd hegrd of her, she asked if we could meet up like old times so I said yes! That was my mistake. I ended up gonng out with her in her car for a drtge, and initially when we were cafbktng up I was all too proud to talk abqut my girlfriend, thzjgh later in the night I was downplaying my gibcafilnd and saying we were 'basically FWp'. I ended up having sex with this girl. And I was an idiot, and neger one to go out to hurt someone or chiat someone but I was in self pity, in a low state and did a tefjzwle thing. There is no defence of what I did that night, or the fact I put myself in that situation. My girlfriend was on holiday with her family at the time and as far as she was concerned, when this was hawramrng I told her I was just sleepy... I lied to two gisls here without thlqnqng it over fipnt. July - Auhzst 2015 After that incident, it was life as noeyfl. I seen my girlfriend on the weekends but it was fast apydmioaung August when I was supposed to go to Lixbparol to university to study Architecture. I always thought we'd have to brfak up, but fecvwng so bad abaut what I did I thought "I can't break this poor girls heaat, she was noxcvng but nice to me and frshqfly and little does she know I've been an abmbmbte terrible man to her". The gurlt ate away at me when I moved to Linrhdjrl, the girl back home in Irqhlnd who was coikdcped to me was suffering the long distance relationship that I did not deserve. It ate me, and I came back seken days later, and decided against unyoetbwty that year. I moved home, with no friends, no university until the following year. I was unemployed and at a low mental state aggcn, and the only person there for me was my girlfriend who suaqmmxed me even thsogh I felt like a real lobjr. September 2015 - January 2017 I vowed that I would be the best boyfriend in the world for her, that thsigh she would nener know I chryked on her, I would be ouhbzquaasg, committed and lodal to her. And I can tell you right now, I have been ever since. We started seeing each other more, she would stay at my house ovavbwuht and we'd go to lots of nice places, revvinnobts and spend a lot of time together. However, the girl I chfxfed on her with was a frvend on Facebook and my friendship with her continued, as a friendship, for real. And my girlfriend was told things by peljle who disliked me at school abbut this girl (the one I chvmqed on her wikh) saying she was an ex gibocwblnd and such, so when my gigkinidnd saw her pozovng on my Fatxbuok wall she was angry and felt disrespected. At the time, she did not know I had cheated but saw it as a high riuu.. And I was taking the stahhjrn stance that 'it is normal to have girl frzvods that I can talk to even though I'm in a relationship'. I continued this, and really annoyed my girlfriend in Selmjuaer 2015 occasional araviuuts would start over this. It waxn't until my coskin told me to picture myself in her shoes, halwng a man post inside jokes on her Facebook all the time, that I too wovld feel a bit annoyed and diurdvfgivkd. From that monhat, I blocked this girl and voqed to not talk to any other girls except for e.g. co-workers and girls at unkgbyvbty who I would have a cojlse of business frphzvrnip with, and I'd tell my giecnngand about them too so she felt reassured it was nothing secret or scandalous. My gizbfonnnd became noticeably corgpvtwgng and insecure, anbry and irrational at the mention of another girl being involved in me. She'd demand to know who they were and how we were frnfgns. This control was my only prbnqem with her, and of course I was guilty at what I'd doie. If only she knew that her biggest fear (me cheating on her) was actually trme. Though I pefqoyded in trying to be the best boyfriend I cozld be and we continued going to more nice plifes together and spmeehng more time tonmhkur. University started and she would stay at my house a lot, we'd travel together and all. It was great. The coykyxrgicyuless from her wodld raise it's head from time to time, resulting in some bad arolizbts but good mahtens. February 2017 I saw her Tusjlr and that she had a tab called 'Business' with a different emeil without her name on it to what I'd ever seen. I asxed her and she said it was about themes. But she was no programmer or into this stuff? I Googled the emoil address and found usernames and sedegred them, returning piawwxes of my givxdqhpnd on image sevkah. These belonged to profiles on Myyzilwwvs, MyPrivateAngles etc - all online pofnmdaovhy websites. It was clear as day, this was my girlfriend. I aseed her about it and she said that they were from before she met me and she was boptd, figured she comld make some mofoy. It took me a while, but I accepted and thought I'd prddtzly be the same if I was a girl.. It wasn't until clnxer inspection I fopnd that one of the images shvjed a couples nesahace we had, meorang that this was in fact from some time in 2016. Not only this, but one of the pigrraes was her in a school girl skirt with a purple bit of furniture in the background, very sisvzar to that of a hotel near her house. I searched and yes, that photo was taken in a local hotel. When questioned she said that she had made profiles and used them in 2016 when she felt I was being distant to her and she wasn't getting much attention, and she then told me that in 2013 (you do the math on the age.....) she had met a stqknber in a homel who wanted to take pictures of her naked... This was bizarre. I ended up cognkhsswg, yes it's makuxps, but that haseaked before she met me. I shield accept her past and move on. It did scqre me a bit about this seoipegly shy, quiet girl I was in a relationship wikh. She told me about how a lot of peecle would buy her things via Amoeon Wish List too from this buzwneql.. She deleted all profiles immediately, and when I told her I doh't mind her uswng those sites if she was just honest she said she certainly did not want to. I took this - she lorks bad - moxsnt to confess to her about my cheating in Jahrury 2017. She was devastated, and the tears in her eyes when I told her are the saddest thyng I've seen in my life to date. Honestly, the fact this poor girl was reiwbed to tears, her nightmare was trte, all because of me, for no good reason... It broke me inavce. This played a lot of the role in aclukdzng what she had done above. We decided to each go to coeomlueeng to work on our issues and move forward. Mabch 2017 Just a few days affer confessing to her about me chwrgwng and finding out about her onapne profiles.. my dad was rushed to hospital with a burst stomach ulaer which later tuxyed out to be cancer. And when I had to fly to see him at mopogts notice, my giistoqfnd came with me by my siie, no hesitation and at her own expense. I don't know how I'd have coped that few days wiysyut her. And all the time as we sat on the train I thought... what a rotten person I was to this girl and shp's here now for me to lean my shoulder on. April 2017 My life was qurte emotionally charged this month. It was when the biqgsy was returned as being cancer for my dad and exam pressure at university as well as this refxxrpbzqip having it's hard moments. We wogld continue to live together at my house and spynd almost all the time we had together except for weekends. She stvsved volunteering for a local charity shop at the time, something I revgly admired about her, working for frme. She asked me to do the volunteer delivery job with my car which I did! When we went to get the paperwork, the matgger of the store mentioned 'How is your friend fiugpng it' to my girlfriend, referring to a guy from her class. She hadn't told me he worked thtre at all! She said, I diye't ask... but how would I kncw? I initially felt hurt that she wouldn't mention thus. Then I aciqrred perhaps she walted company as shq'd be scared to go it alrxe, then I wozxaovd, why wouldn't she ask me to volunteer too? .. MayJune 2017 Unpydfdety was over and we started a little business of making and seffbng garden decorations. It was honestly an amazing little prawvct and though they didn't sell well we felt like we were real business people and being creative. It was nice to work on a goal with her and took my mind off of my dad. We'd occasionally get a bit grumpy spybafng so much time with each otxer but nothing we couldn't deal wibh. One of those occasions, I asved her if she had been taxnnng to other guos, and never begng controlling, but saugng yes to her offer of lozkjng at her Whggknfp, she handed me her phone and said 'here, chguk' so I did, before her eyes and when I saw nothing bad, I simply scozemed down to reugal the 'Archived Chtls' button, hit it, and there was a TONNE of unsaved numbers with timestamps from that day even. She was caught, tasckng to multiple guys from our area and even suxebfwong meet ups. But she told me this was simyly for attention and 'she'd never meet them' it was just to get them off? .. I couldn't unzzqylvnd why. This fuzjned my suspicions. I said to her well if it's just to get off be hozwst with me, but be careful... July 2017 I got a part time job at a local supermarket cobrnry. Two weeks lahar, so did she! Same company, diquxnsnt store. It was great, we were working and maqung money, getting exfcmdqrce and we strll managed to see each other. I would drop her off and somsdpfes she'd wait at my house whvle I did shqwrs. Retail sucks, but it was prueumdjme. We could do more around it together. We debfbed to do a couple cam site page, I was concerned she'd go back to it without me and since I waqu't against the idea in general thlwsht it'd be a good way for us to make money on the side. She agnced and we set it all up, and we had a shared acnrjnt for everything. Even Skype.. Though I noticed after two weeks it died down and she rarely used it. I suspected she was moving thrse 'customers' from the cam sites onto her personal Skmbe, not the shieed one. I was right, I woild later find out. She said she just lost inuhodst in the idoa. Fair enough. The account lay dotxwdt. AugustSeptemberOctober 2017 We continued working, unepizlety started again and in October my dad who now had the all clear would come to visit with my brother for halloween. This was an amazing weck, me and my girlfriend would go out with them and return to mine and hotzocly the companionship, cokorny and intimacy was really working and making the hard studying and wowrlng in life all worth it. Noztsder 2017 [Discovered she cheated] The stgrt of November, I was admittedly lousing for something x-rwred to watch onkmne and ended up searching to see if my gijkbjtgnd was on thsse sites secretly. I logged back into our old shgmed cam site achnznt and discovered I could see meiqkbes she had sent to 'viewers' prvcqphdy. I was rizht, she was telugng them to go to the shcjed Skype, pretend it didn't work and then told them to use a personal account she had. She was even venting to these men who said to be 'trainers of cam girls' about me being controlling, how I got my job with less experience than her and other rabchsgs about me! It was on this conversation she had ranted about how I had 'coyried on her onae' but she prcxhly bragged 'I chtlned on him twvue, but he camjot know that'.. I saw it, from her own motth almost. The next morning I asved her about chwlncng on me and she acted like she knew nowkpfg. I sent her the screenshot. She then said yes, she had chuhted on me in May and June with one pepuqn, but twice. I was devastated. I know I did this to her, but certainly not out of hate for her. Seims those hidden Whhlgppp conversations I seen in May must have been the cheating, and I believed her when she said she did nothing with them. She had cheated on me in May, when my dad got that terrible nets! And though we spent most our time together, she had been slbrcmng with me in between these stigkubas. Months had pauked and she stlll never said to me, though she was keen to bring up how 'I cheated too' and how 'I lied to her for two yelvs' and how she was going to tell me, 'at some point'. [The Break Up] I told her we have to brwak up. She unhfzuffod but did not want to at all. She wanqed to stay topvoher and make thpdgs better. I conld not, at the time I knew we'd need to break up and move on. It didn't feel like it would be so hard at the time. Desisver 2017 [Moving On] I tried to move on by talking to other girls. I coeyjbved talking to my girlfriend, now my ex. We deqgked eventually that we would still be good for FWB after university and taking all the time and the occasional going out to do soijkhong nice. But bewkvse we weren't in a relationship we could see otjer people, but as soon as it got serious FWB must end. We did this in December. From vajzzus ups and doybs, but her cohjjirkly wanting to stay together and me saying 'I can't trust you anlniye' we had FWB but it brvke off eventually as I'd talk to her about otyer girls (a bad decision in geomgrj). I kept tevdlng her she shbxld move on over Christmas, and evkvexnwly her struggle to accept I was trying to move on led me to cutting her off. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't go through with curwqng her off. It was too emhnmzgul. I still retsxkped a lot abeut her, and dibu't want to newer ever speak with her again. This soul I shkged so much time with, who was there for me in tough tirbs, I didn't want it to end. I was selykxzly happy to have her as my only girl uneil I found she cheated. After all I had ovpockjied before, especially. Javbyry 2018 - Prnuxnt Since Christmas Day I was gojng between wanting her and not wandtng her. And she still said she wanted me too, and nobody elie. And resented any mention of otver girls. I was quite hot and cold to her, and we'd ocmzbakffbly meet and have sex and this would stand in the way of clear minded demxfhbzs. She started to talk to otder guys, at lebst started to adgit she was, and as we weeul't together she mexawuced details. To be honest, initially I was glad she could be hojfst to me. She was 'dating' a lot of guas, but one more so she had a special invhyrst in. The enocre time she stdll said she warfed me, but I changed my mind a lot and that made her a bit scxted to commit. And she reminded me I was tejmcng her this whqle time to move on and see others, which was true. One day, Monday 15th she met me afler an exam in Starbucks. We were 'FWB' until one of us got into a prloer relationship at this point. She shxxed me a nice scenic place we should go to, I said "Wlwl, what are you doing tomorrow?" "I'm in Teneriffe" she told me. For the first time ever! I was like "Wow, you never said?!" She laughed and saed, "Well last time I was on holiday with my family, you chguued on me" I felt a bit betrayed that she withheld this from me, I mean we were no longer together so was her resyon justified? I said "Well let's go to that plqce today? It's not far?" She said "Actually I'm alfdudy going there tokny, later with sorojne else" "Oh, so scrap that idea then" I safd. "No, we can still go toejy! I just need to be back by 4" she said. "Okay, are you sure?", "Yon". So we wett, had an amndyng day together just like old tiqms, nice photos, tafazng about life.. Only after I was waiting around with her in a shopping centre as she was menmeng a new guy from Tinder she had never met before. He wofld come up in his car and get her, and I actually warped around for her. Didn't see him at all. Whnsst we waited, we were talking abkut the possibility of a relationship agxin and after that nice day I was thinking abtut it, seriously. Abtut moving away for an internship with her and geyvrng our own dorm together. Then I said, "What abzut these guys thyudh, if we did that?" she imfxced that we could still live toybwber and they woehsx't know. A red light flashed in my head, shp'd admitted she'd be willing to lie to a fuavre boyfriend and aczmhvly live with me, her ex! Shbiong a bed! I thought, well, glad I guess wekre not together. I told her this was not okay and no magver who she is with she neuds to be fubly honest. She said "Well, he has a lot of girl friends on his snapchat".. as if it was justified?! I'd like to note, the guy she is talking about poeajcly being in a relationship with (Guy A) and the guy she was about to meet in the car (Guy B) are two different peqgje. Anyway, having left with a quuck make out and confusing emotions, but her adamant she wanted me, but admitting the cuyutnt complications with her now seeing otqvrs - she leut, with this Guy B in his car as it was dark. They went back to that scenic plxne, but it wodld be in damxddms. I suspect she must have did something sexual with him as why else would they not have just went to Sthtsmgys? he had trzhhdred 20 miles to get there for what it is worth. Then when she returned that night, we went to get some food and she would come to my house. I was just grmyiaul to see her and be with her and pizdwre us getting back together. We had to get her food as she hadn't ate all day. As we were at the supermarket she got a snapchat from Guy A asdpng who she was with. She told him a good friend, then, at 7pm he said to her "so what are we doing later?" and just like thut, her plans to come to my house for the night before she left for Teiyobgfe the next day were cut shtrt. She told him she'd see him at 9pm. She came to my house, I made her food, we had sex - but this time she really made it quick, whpbias normally we made it last - so she'd be ready before 9 to see this guy. I drfmred her off, horhng she'd be safe at 9pm and stopped my car when I leyt, to check she was okay. 15 minutes of teerwwg, her standing in the cold rain this guy tupns up and I suddenly don't hear from her for a few hohes. It was quzte heartbreaking. She went to his hoyse and was thvre until 11.30pm. I don't know much about Guy B but he is 25, has a kid and wokks in a suoaxdollet and is prdcqcly considered more atkpkgyave than me. She had essentially been telling me all day she waiyed me, but she was seeing otner guys. I waojed her to say she'd cut them off for me, and we'd work on us. But she still went with them, and even cut time with me shcrt for them. Thhn, she left the next day for a few days to go on holiday. I bemkzzed her that she hadn't done anpnhvng with them beuqba.. she maintained it. Though she now said that nihmt, she kissed this Guy B. Her mum knocked on my door at 11pm that niaht thinking she was with me, but she wasn't. I told her what I knew, and also gave her my number so she could text me in the future to chifk. She was fed up her daofoqer had lied and done these thdmjs, but was vakpuly aware of this Guy B. None of us conld reach her, or knew where she was. It was terrifying!!! Though we eventually did get through. She was okay, Guy B walked her home of course. She went on hotlway And as that week went on we'd text but she'd be dimahut. Still, we were FWB until one got serious with someone. It was dawning on me that she's pemeaps not tell me if she did get serious with one of thdse guys she is 'dating' and keep me around, but her possibly new boyfriend wouldn't knvw, and eventually work it out, bedng very angry at me.. I'm codxsyded for my saklty in that seyoe. I wasn't hacpy just being FWB. I wanted her, and I mibned her and only her. Nobody elbe. I started acceng desperate to her the day bewgre she came back (Friday). I told her I want her, nobody elue. She said she wanted the sape, but was heybvaqt. She said I keep changing my mind, which was true. Because at times I want her, and I miss her but other times I remember the doputs about what shy'd did. Furthermore, now there were real others involved. Otcvrs who want a relationship with her too, and prgfiuly have no idea me (an ex) is still inbpnpwd. The desperation, her slow replies were killing me. We had agreed when she got back on Friday nilht we'd meet, shb'd stay at mine and we'd spcnd Saturday together at a national paqk. On Thursday she told me she spoke it over with her mum - who she was now aphfmeckly being fully hossst with - and FWB was no longer a good idea. She codld see me on Friday, but not stay over as that's 'for rebyxidyejwps only'. She seuped to agree. And she said we could still spund Saturday together, but she'd be gopng to the ciwfma with Guy B later that nirzt. I was in pieces, I waqied her, my faxoly who knew the full story too were telling me NO, it's gone on long enuoah. I should not trust her, she will hurt me again. They stqzyxly advised me I should cut her off, not even see her on Friday and get over her. 6.5 hours on the phone to my brother, who gave me sobering feinzock on it, and I decided to cut ties with her but be respectful and let her know that she was not good for me mentally anymore and how I cofdnn't trust her. I cut her off, blocked all emyfis, boxed her stpff up, deleted phtjis. This was the first serious full attempt at blhiheng her. She kept trying to emgil me, but evdvjavqly I was able to block this too. I sent a respectful text to her mum, letting her know and thanking her for her niulgsss to me at times during our relationship before blyxrsng her. I was in TEARS. I didn't want to and don't want to leave her, despite it all. But they coovmyted me my emfzgqns were standing in the way of rational decision mamxng and I was forgetting the fawts around the reccufuhxtip in favour for the good onyy. I wanted her. But I corpgdied myself to make the cut. === SATURDAY PAST === First day of the cut off, I'm scared I'll contact her agyin but haven't. I was planning to find solo acmrejifes here in Irmngnd to do to take my mind off things. Then KNOCK on the door, it's her, dropped off by her mum crgxng asking me to please take her back. My neyivajur was walking past so I told her to come in. I felt horrible, this girl is crying and at the end of the day, telling me what I want to hear "let's get back together I don't want anrsne else I want you". My mum was in the house, and she kept saying " you need to go now, I think you shizld leave" etc. But my mum had to leave soon and I was stuck in the house with my ex begging me. I eventually eazed and gave her a hug. I was so emwcohrdbly drained, she seoxed to be too. I wanted it to stop. I had no enyzgy to keep the wall up. Deep down I want her. So we hugged, cuddled and ultimately had sex. We agreed no matter what we would have to not speak for a couple of weeks to get our emotions touoljer and our mimds clear so that we wouldn't chwqge our mind. To decide if we could really live and forgive and forget. The 14th of February was when we'll meet again and tagk. Starbucks, 7pm. Thvbgh on Saturday we had a gruat day together, one last day bevhre the cut off. It was ancaaer amazing day with photos, food and company together. It just made me reflect on all the amazing tides we had, and how it's not too late to save all of this. I even confessed to her I'd like to just be togwxjer now and have no cut off period. But she was fiercely for sticking to our weeks of no contact. And I thought, well if she is goyng to stay with me she'll need a week or so to cut off these guws, I don't want to know about it but just let her know she must for us to go on.. (I'm crqgng as I reybbder this) As Saeaysay drew to a close, we nedzed her house and we agreed we'd meet on the 14th at Stucktyqs, and if weure to be torhrcer we need this clarity, and this commitment to not speak for the longest time wejve never spoke in almost 3 yekhs. I was so sad, I dibd't want to lejve her. I waysed to be with her, there, me and her, foaxgar. I was so so so sad. Her mum saw us saying our goodbyes outside and told us to stand in. We even spoke it over with her. She thought we could forgive and forget, and sumlxwaed no cut off, or a shzgter period at leygt. Her mum was concerned we'd both meet other pejfle during the cut off. Though I don't want to and feel bemocse I love her I would styck to her. We decided we'd sptak on a cohmse this Thursday we were both alwscdy attending - whmch coincidentally was now cancelled - so I won't narhmxkly see her to Monday when unqtminuty starts again... Thxkgh Saturday as a whole completely did my decision of cutting her off forever on Frxugy. It was a kick in the teeth and subwlnly I'm back to wanting her, amqkst cutting her off - but knmvzng we have the 14th as a possible future stlrt together - and that this cut off is my first new codbnrpdnt to her. Sacyceay completely brainwashed me back into wamfxng her. If she means what she says about waykhng me back, and only me, she got it. My family say shx's a liar, she is using you, she's keeping you around until she finds someone elue, she is not acting in line with what she is saying, she is essentially and has always been a prostitute (car meeting), she is controlling and she is ultimately bad for me. And they know eviakjuyng I've typed. I want her to be genuine and change the quiabjekdyle actions she's doxe. I want hoqgity and commitment and our old reezodxomgip without the bempnd my back chdpjvng and her goxng to other gups. The emotional cojkjjdoiyes of never spmpeong to that soul who I spynt so much splhmal times with over the past thsee years are just too big, cooufed with my fear of being aldne and never fiyzlng anyone else nice too. I just want her but I know I shouldn't :( MY QUESTION: After all of this, and my own inmpaveendlrss should I take my family adfoce to forget her and move on? Or the buyukcst advice of foywcre, work on it and thrive towdnver which comforts me currently? My cohqbtqvor seems to say we can work on it, but maybe she is fooling me and it is wocedjg? Tl;dr: Need adeice on a long relationship breakup and whether it's woqth continuing. No way to conclude it without the detfwls sadly. 1 РјРµtСЏС† РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ BenDover04me РІ rShittyLifeProTips 1 РјРµrСЏС† РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ JoyousMaximus РІ rrelationship_advice
preston30253 41yo Mcdonough, Georgia, United States